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Montaña Vázquez admits that she likes to observe, listen to what people tell her about their relationships and, above all, help them find what they are looking for. Your new book Match. How to find a partner in postmodernity (Alienta Editorial) is a I sing to the liberation of women when it comes to deciding (and doing) what they want on a sentimental level and sexual but also a way to understand how relationships work in these times.

“Romantic love has been a trap for women since it was invented. It is a submissive love in which she did not shine, I was always waiting for Prince Charming who is going to rescue us from our problems and who comes and is perfect. And it is not like that. What he does is that he disconnects us from ourselves and makes us weak. I rather believe in a 100% compatible love, that you are 100% to be able to find the other person,” the author acknowledges, matchmaker by profession in his own agency.

However, that trap is beginning to dissolve. in this postmodern love because many mature women are very clear that they want to live their relationships and his sexuality from another point of viewdespite the fact that society continues to hide them in some aspects.

“Lately there has been talk about something that many define as a trend and I simply like the sexual freedom of women and the right to be attracted to a partner 20 years younger. I mean the cubing. And the fact that it has a name already indicates that it is not well regarded.“, this author relates in her book.

The most striking thing is that the relationship between a mature woman and a younger boy is called cubing but that of an older man with a younger person is simply love: “This trend means realizing that women over fifty are still attractivethey feel attractive and men much younger than them see them that way.

So what is the problem? “Like everything that is not accepted in the correct way of the game of love and attraction We continue to be ashamed of what we feel. It makes me sad that we are so advanced in some things and we are still such slaves of romantic love for others.

According to this matchmakerthe basic problem is that We continue to see relationships as a means to procreate and not as an independent experience.: “A woman with menopause can no longer have a child and we continue, even if unconsciously, linking sex to procreation and if she can no longer, Well, his sex life is over.. We do not conceive that they continue to have sexual desire and they do. “Man does not have these limitations because he can always be a father.”

postmodern love

Relationships in these times, in what has been called postmodernity, They can’t be a “love” comfort“ which, according to Vázquez, is what they are now in many cases: “We are turning love into a common good, into a raw material and It loses that shine because we do not get involved nor do we want to miss that catalog of people that the internet has.. We spend time starting and finishing and that leads us to be very disconnected from ourselves and not be happy.

Vazquez talks about three big changes that have occurred in romantic relationshipsin very few decades, and that have women and their liberation as the protagonist of most of the transformations.

“We have gone from romantic love based on a single lifelong relationship and the idea of ​​a self that is incomplete until you find that other person; still “confluent self” which is how you define it Anthony Giddens, that is, where the woman is responsible for 50% of the relationship. And from there to this postmodernity, where we are in a rush of liquid love, proposed by Zygmunt Bauman, based on relationships that start very quickly and end soon; multiple relationships with painless beginnings and endings.”

emotional entrepreneur

of that liquid love is what tries to free usIf that’s what we want, Montaña Vázquez teaching us to be “emotional entrepreneurs”, a concept that aims to work on the search for a relationship almost as if it were a job.

“When you are disconnected you become afraid, you feel vulnerable, in the worst sense of the word, weak, and you begin to get desperate and beg. And when you beg, you will only find leftovers, not 100%“he warns.

So the work of an emotional entrepreneur is born from connect, play sports, meditate, be curious, make yourself your priority, love each other a lot and be happy, because happiness is very attractive: “Many times we start with the house through the roof, we look for someone to be happy with but really, if we don’t love ourselves, how are we going to expect another person to love us. It seems like a fraud to me.”

And, in the case of his agency, it is also about trusting an algorithm, “as it was previously said that it was a matter of destiny.” “The truth is that many people think that it is unromantic to do a job to help Cupid.whether in the world app Like in an agency, what I tell you is that when you look for a job you don’t wait at home for the super company to call you. We have to help a little, especially if we want to get a partner as good as we are.“he warns.

Senior relationships

Montaña Vázquez insists that We need to speak freely about relationships between seniors in the 21st century. “It is still difficult for us to admit and see that older people also fall in love and need to have sex. They do not stop being people at 55 years old. And love is experienced the same at 20, 38 or 75.”

In fact, at his agency, More and more women are coming from 38 to 50-something who are looking for someone who admires them. and compatible with their life, that fits their socioeconomic and cultural level. “A partner but there is attraction, with 100% mature sex.”

And in this section, the most difficult to find a partner, the codes have indeed changed because “the man has always been very used to being admired, to being the one who provides, and he looks for that type of admiration in a woman.” , but those of his age no longer think as before, They have realized that they are superwomen, empowered and self-sufficient. There is a certain discrepancy there.“.

In case anyone forgets, Montaña Vázquez remembers in his book that “we are happy as usual, but we have to discover it” and that is why “we have to become a great game because all that is within us but we have been covering it with a lot of layers of beliefs, of values, that perhaps are not even ours, that are inherited and do not emerge. The moment you know that you do not need anyone’s approval, you are immune to rejection and also to praise, you begin to be a very forceful person and that is what you will find in the other.” Word of matchmaker.

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