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Do you know what type of attachment predominates in your relationship?

It has always been said that each couple is different. However, we often remain hooked on many of the ideas and myths of romantic love, this is precisely one of the main causes of the failure of many couples.

Couples in which love and attachment are often intertwined, but the reality is that it is important to know how to differentiate the type of attachment that exists in the relationship to deal with it. If there is something that should always take precedence and be important in any relationship, that is the freedom to be and let be, trust, conciliation and acceptance between both.

Precisely because true love promotes well-being, the growth of both members of the couple and should bring out the best in each; both anxious and avoidant attachment should be outside the relationship. Below we detail the types of attachment that exist and the best way to deal with them.

Why is attachment generated in relationships?

Attachment is often defined as the belief that bonding with a partner completes us, making us happy and secure, as well as giving meaning to our lives.

Normally, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment to another person, that attachment limits the other’s growth and an insatiable desire for the other person is experienced in which Anxiety and fear of losing her predominate.

Therefore, in these types of attachment, the freedom of the couple and also our own is annulled, leading towards dependence and the inability to have control over ourselves. Relationships in which it is thought that we will feel more complete through the relationship with the other person and that, therefore, They are meant to be toxic.

Several studies in this regard relate this type of attachment in relationships with the attachments we make in childhood with those people or caregivers whom we consider important for our well-being.

Normally, if an adequate and healthy bond is developed during childhood, attachment in the future will also be; while if that bond is not adequate, the future attachment may tend to be a toxic attachment.

The latter usually occurs when in childhood we perceive a threat or risk of loss with that figure or we develop insecurity in that attachment relationship, that is when we will associate said attachment with anguish.

Types of attachment in relationships

Depending on those bonds that we have generated during childhood, in adulthood we can also develop different types of attachment in relationships. Below we detail some of the most common unhealthy attachments:

  1. secure attachment: In secure attachment there is frustration and disgust when separation occurs, but when you both meet again, security and a positive response return.

  2. Anxious-ambivalent attachment: This type of attachment occurs when separation occurs and manifests itself with anxiety, but when we are back in front of the person we experience well-being again. Even so, this anxiety cannot be calmed and we do not return to tranquility.

  3. Avoidant attachment: This type of attachment occurs when there is a very low level of anxiety and disinterest when reunited with the person who provides security.

How to deal with attachment in relationships?

If you feel that your partner may be experiencing an attachment that is not very convenient for your mental health or you have identified him or her with any of the attachment styles mentioned above, below we detail some tips to be able to deal with that attachment in the best way.

  • Learn to enjoy your solitude: We often tend to think that if that person is not there our world collapses. And the reality is that far from that, life goes on. It is not only important that you learn to enjoy your moments alone, but also that you give value to the rest of the people, family and friends who surround you and who are also part of your life.

  • Learn to love yourself: When these types of attachment exist, we often spend too much time thinking about the other person’s well-being and we tend to forget about ourselves. This is one of the main reasons why you should start learning to love yourself too and work more on your self-esteem. Set goals, invest time in one of those personal projects that you dream of and enjoy yourself.

  • The couple does not complete you: understand that you are not someone incomplete and therefore the partner does not complete you, but rather makes you grow, provides you support and brings you well-being. The independence of both is essential in any healthy relationship.

  • Don’t hesitate to seek help: If you feel that you need it, do not hesitate to seek support from a psychologist. It is important that you fight for your own well-being and that you learn to be good with yourself, in order to later evolve in a healthy way in any relationship or to simply accept and love yourself as you deserve.

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