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Silvia Llop, the love psychologist: “If he doesn’t write to you, you will have to decide if you want to write to him”

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Let’s talk about love. How many times have you stared at your cell phone like a fool waiting for it to call you? And how many times have you asked yourself if he is the love of your life? Silvia Llop, the love psychologist, has answers to all these questions and more.

Since she started dating guys He was curious about how love works, She heard her friends complain and a few years ago she began to take a professional interest in the subject. She immersed herself in studies and experimented on herself.

He confesses that he does not strictly follow any discipline. “I have been taking everything I have learned in my life, more based on my experiences than what they taught me in college.” His own experiences and those of his acquaintances are the origin of his success.

He opened a practice on his blog and from there his field expanded. “On Instagram, quite a few people write to me every day with their story, so when I have doubts about a possible theory that occurs to me, I ask people.” Different experiences and different people’s ways of understanding them enrich her work. “Let’s say My way of working is based a lot on what I discover about people.”.

Self-esteem and humor

Those who dare to put themselves in their hands can wait improve your self-esteem, “everything I do is aimed at you choosing yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, you get hooked on the first thing that happens, that offers you something that interests you, but you eat the red flags.” And all this with a lot of humor. “I use it to break up those moments of drama. “I work a lot with humor, I’m a little brusque and cheeky.” She assures that she will connect with those who need a little cane, but also someone who understands them.

We ask her if she applies her advice herself and she responds with a laugh that she does, but not always. “I try to follow my advice because I know that I will be happier and things will go better for me.”. But she admits that she likes to make mistakes from time to time. “Whatever we have out there that moves us, suddenly it forces you to do something that you know in your head is not going to be good for you. But sometimes we need to really experience this to realize that it is indeed not what I have to do.”


Author of Send him to hell. You deserve something better (edited by Plataforma Editorial), he answers that he has in mind to release more books, but there are none on the table. “I need to feel like it, I don’t want to do it out of obligation, but because I have a good idea.”

Question: Your book is called Send him to hell. You deserve something better. How would you briefly summarize the signs we have to pay attention to to know if we have to tell someone to ‘fuck off’?

Above all you should listen to us. We have something called intuition that guides us and many times we ignore it because we are not interested in what it has to tell us. It is important to pay attention to the sensations you are having. For example, you are meeting someone and two days go by and they don’t write to you.

Then you realize that something is changing. Then you start looking for justifications to try to explain why this happens. To think that everything is going well, but your intuition is already telling you no.

Another thing is not to make decisions based on intuition, you shouldn’t do that either. But at least listen to her, because 80% of the problems we have would be taken away. Because? Because we would be paying attention to something that our body is telling us. And then obviously work. If you have good self-esteem it is not very difficult for someone to come and make you dizzy.

Before, when you met someone you waited three days for them to call you, it was an unwritten rule. Now that it is so easy to communicate, I see many people glued to the phone looking to see if the person they like texts them. To what extent is it healthy? When should we think ‘if he doesn’t write to me it’s because he’s not interested in me’?

First, I think someone may be interested and will show it to you. If someone is already playing I’m going to leave it for 3 days because a YouTuber has told her that if you leave it for three days you drive her a little crazy and mysteriously she has more feelings for you. So you must ask yourself: What type of person am I interested in having by my side? Because if you ask me, I’m not interested in a kid who has watched a few YouTube videos and decided to wait three days to make me suffer is the best option.

We return a little to the concept of the center. What do you want? Because maybe someone who is playing is already short for you.

“When something works you know that he is going to write to you and that you are going to write to him too”

And then, obviously, you can’t wait all day to see if he writes to you. You have to live your life and think if you are interested in the person. If he doesn’t write to me, great; If he doesn’t write to me, well, I’ll have to decide if I write to him. If I want to write because I feel like it, then I write and then see what happens. But of course, we can’t be anxious all day.

I also tell you one thing, if when something works and works naturally this anxiety does not exist, why? Because it is something that is fluid, you don’t have to be scheming to see if you are going to let two hours pass or if you are not going to write to him. You know that he is going to write to you and you know that you are going to write to him too and that there is no problem because you are both at the same address.

So normally when these games occur it’s like situations that are a little ambivalent or with people who maybe aren’t very worked on or who are insecure, who don’t know where to go and so on.

Another issue that has evolved a lot and at the same time nothing in relationships is that it is now easier to break up a relationship that is not working or opt for polyamory. However, infidelity is still the order of the day, why?

Of course, because let’s say that infidelity and polyamory do not have so much to do with each other in the sense that polyamory is a lifestyle, it is a style of leading relationships. But the vast majority of people don’t like this, they don’t want their partner to be with other people. However, things happen in life that make it possible to be unfaithful, but of course that does not mean that they agree that both of them can sleep with other people.

Are we unfaithful?

It simply means, for example, that someone crossed you drunk at the nightclub on the weekend or that the lifestyle is to deceive, because there are people who have their lifestyle, but they do not want to be deceived, because only they can deceive. or she. Or that something happens, that someone has a void in her relationship and suddenly someone has arrived and slapped her with an open hand, made her feel a lot of things and she couldn’t help it.

Let’s say they are different things. There are people who want to maintain a monogamous relationship, but things happen. Things happen that lead to infidelity, but they do not necessarily want to have a life like that, it is something punctual or not punctual, but resisting that the other person can do the same.

To end on a positive note, I would like to know if there is any way to know if our partner is the love of our life.

The love of my life is a very broad concept and very little concrete, because someone can be the love of your life for years or for days, but maybe not until they die. So the question here is to ask yourself if the person you are with is meeting what I call your standards, which is what you absolutely need in a long-term relationship to be happy.

“I believe that you can have all the loves of your life that you want”

And it comes from your experiences, from what you have lived or from what you have seen, from your personality, from how you are, from what you know you need someone else to give you. For example, if you are a very affectionate person, you cannot be with someone who is very cold, who is not affectionate at all, because then you will feel that you are missing something important.

So when you know yourself and what you need emotionally, you can choose a partner who gives you what you feel you need. And then it is very likely that this relationship can work in the long term.

But of course, obviously, there is no guarantee. It is simply knowing that you are with the right person at the present moment and that’s it, and making your plans and everything you want. But also know that if at some point the paths diverge or it already gives us something that we need, then you will be able to leave it and you will be able to find another love of your life.

I believe that you can have all the loves of your life that you want. Maybe you come across one and you’ll be with them your whole life. But if you left everything with this one, another love would actually emerge in your life. If you feel like it, of course.

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